Families with cancer under pressure to make Christmas feel normal

A survey from a leading cancer support charity has asked people living with cancer what they feel the most emotionally challenging aspects of Christmas are, with 4 in 10 saying it is trying to make sure it is still special for their children.

The OnePoll* survey from cancer support charity Maggie’s also reveals that 33% feel ‘under pressure to make it feel like a normal Christmas’, and 30% worry ‘that it might be my last Christmas’. 

Almost three quarters (74%) of people living with cancer said they were more worried about the cost of Christmas this year than in previous years, with 30% a lot more worried.

Gilly Howard-Jones, Maggie’s Southampton Centre Head, said: “It is heart-breaking that so many people with cancer are worrying more about Christmas than ever before, when it should be a joyful time of year. 

“Worrying about whether this Christmas might be their last or about making Christmas still feel special for their children are normal emotions for someone living with cancer, and these are things we hear about a lot in our centres at this time of year.

“We can help. Anyone with cancer, as well as their family or friends, can come into one of our centres - whether it's to find a place to sit with their own thoughts and a cup of tea, or to access expert support from our psychologists and cancer support specialists. If it is money worries that people are concerned about, then people can speak with a Benefits Advisor.

“I would urge anyone feeling under pressure on the run up to the holidays to visit their nearest Maggie’s.”

Maggie’s professional staff are here to support people with cancer who are struggling on the run up to this holiday season. The charity has 24 centres across the UK, on the grounds of NHS hospitals and their professional staff include psychologists, cancer support specialists and benefits advisors.

Dr Hugo De Le Pena, is a breast cancer consultant and clinical adviser for Maggie’s in Southampton. 

He said: “There is no text book about this, but there is no doubt the physical and psychological trauma cancer causes can be very similar to PTSD and can hit at different points in the cancer timeline. 

“The problem is that when it hits, it hits hard and makes us stop and evaluate absolutely every single aspect of our life. Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect and magical all the time, but what it gives us is a much needed “forced time out” (because of bank holidays) and even though there is no right or wrong, my recommendation is to use that time out to get ahead of the possible PTSD.

“Use the time to reflect, organise, plan, prepare with head space, rather than fear and high stress, do this first and then involve your loved ones as you are more likely to navigate what’s to come much better.” 

Jenna (39) whose husband, Daniel, was diagnosed with bowel cancer three days before Christmas in 2021, said:

 “The past two Christmases have been a blur for us, I have no memories of last year at all.

“This year we are aiming for a very relaxed day, with some Christmas magic thrown in for our daughter.  There will be no pressure to do anything, even our dinner will be prepared ahead.  Being together is key for us, we don't need a big, expensive, stressful Christmas, just time to enjoy ourselves and have fun as a family.”

The festive season two years ago was another story for this family who are doing all they can to live well with cancer – with the support of Maggie’s.

Jenna said: “We didn’t tell anyone at first because it was so close to Christmas. We didn’t want to think about cancer and at the time we didn’t know how bad it was going to be. So we had Christmas with family as usual and wanted to keep everything as normal as possible for our six year old daughter Holly.

“Looking back Daniel hadn’t been well for a long time. On the 2nd of January, Daniel was admitted into hospital as the tumour was growing very fast. He stayed in the hospital for almost two months. Holly only got to see him very briefly before he was taken back into hospital for sepsis.

“Daniel was in an awful state, mentally and physically. We’d been told that Maggie’s was somewhere where we would find support. With Daniel attached to a drip and NG tube in, we walked from one side of the hospital to another to get to Maggie’s.

“Being in Maggie’s was a complete relief. It made me feel less alone. There was a fire roaring and a comfy sofa which we just collapsed onto. We fell asleep, and it was the first proper sleep that Daniel had had in weeks. We were determined to get off the ward and out of this hospital even for 10 minutes, we needed to get out of that clinical setting and have a bit of normality.

“When it comes to cancer, you always say “we’re fine” but we weren’t fine. There is no way of being fine with it, all you can hope for is that you find something that helps you to cope, Maggie’s gave us that. The hospital was Daniel’s lifeline, Maggie’s was mine.”

Maggie’s top tips on how to cope with Christmas while living with cancer:

• Joy to the World – or not. Christmas doesn’t have to be happy and heightened emotion can mean being more tearful than normal – it is ok to be sad at Christmas.
• Embrace ChristMESS! Don’t try to make everything perfect – life is messy, let Christmas be messy too.
• Silent Night/Peace on Earth – go for a walk, a lie down or go for a coffee when you feel you need a bit of peace and quiet.
• Take advantage of Christmas spirit – guests can walk dogs, look after kids and tidy up as well as wash dishes after Christmas dinner.
• Say what you want or need– don’t feel pressured into overeating or eating a traditional meal, playing games or staying up late. Simply let people know what works for you.
• Stocking up! To make things as easy as possible make sure you have everything you need for over the holidays. This includes medication, dressings, extra oxygen but also more everyday items such as indigestion tablets, toiletries and batteries.
• Five Gold Rings – Christmas shouldn’t be about spending lots of money on expensive food and presents. Remember that it’s a time to come together with friends and family. Everything else isn’t important.
• Dashing through the snow…or not.  With so many activities it can be difficult to pace yourself at Christmas, especially when already coping with fatigue caused by treatment. You can find out more information on fatigue and tiredness here: https://www.maggies.org/cancer-support/managing-symptoms-and-side-effects/fatigue-tiredness-and-cancer/

For more information and to find your nearest centre visit https://www.maggies.org